my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
