Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i out mim tonsoeep
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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