...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pants are for mortals
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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