you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
