i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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