two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
