hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
