how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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