and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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