I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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