I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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