I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
