Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
