the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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