dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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