pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
3 2 1 whiskey
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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