a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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