i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
