Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
