Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
