never play flip cup with pint glasses
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
