you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
