ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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