I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
