But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
