She is in my trunk
barbara walters just said penis...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
