Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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