I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
