Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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