I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
