Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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