You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
