I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
