I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
