he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
