Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
