im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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