you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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