Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
