We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
