Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
