i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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