And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
