I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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