Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
