..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
