I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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