Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
