the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
