i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
