i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
