in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
