I'm gonna have a badass scar
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
