I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Say something about gay babies.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
