I got chris browned last night
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
