even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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