once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
