I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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