I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
